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| Kolchak: The Night Stalker, a brilliant television series from the 1970s.... |
Either you get what this is or you don't.
Whichever category you fall into, I post this now as a lead-in to a story....Inside the Night Stalker, what really happened behind the scenes and why the great Darren McGavin wanted it canceled as quickly as possible....
The Spanish Moss Murders
Written by: Al Friedman and David Chase
Production # 41806 - October 21, 1974 (F.R.)
Production # 41806 - October 21, 1974 (F.R.)
INT. INS OFFICE – DAY
As Vincenzo exits his office, carrying a huge bag of garbage and junk. Catches sight of Ron, who’s doing nothing, stares angrily.
VINCENZO
Why don’t you get off your Ivy League buckle and help some of the others?
UPDYKE
I volunteered but they say I just get in the way. They won’t take any of my suggestions.
(Vincenzo irritably looks around for something Updyke can do. Finally, he just sets the garbage bag down.)
VINCENZO
Then I suggest you empty this garbage.
(Ron unhappily rises, picks up the bag, exits with it. Vincenzo starts to re-enter his office, turns, hearing the sound of typing. Kolchak is busily at work on a story and at the same time taking bites of a piece of pound cake, dribbling crumbs all over his desk. Vincenzo crosses to him.)
VINCENZO
Will you knock off the work? Aren’t you aware the efficiency expert is coming?
(Kolchak gives him a look that expresses the absurdity of the statement. Vincenzo picks up on it, gestures around the office.)
VINCENZO
It’s just that Mr. Sunderland happens to feel that neatness and cleanliness are important to a well functioning organization. And so do I.
KOLCHAK
(only glancing up) Then wipe the mayonnaise off your tie.
(Vincenzo looks down, sees the offending blot, takes out his handkerchief and smears the stuff around.)
VINCENZO
You have a few minutes before you go to the airport. You could do something…
Straighten a file, clean out a cabinet. (happens to notice Kolchak’s watch; alarmed)
You have three-thirty? My watch stopped. I’m an hour late!
KOLCHAK
The efficiency expert comes none too soon.
VINCENZO
(looking around in panic; furiously winding watch stem)
His plane lands at four-forty five. Why aren’t you on your way to the airport?
KOLCHAK
(typing) Let him take a cab.
VINCENZO
He happens to feel that cabs are inefficient…a waste of company money. And so do I.
KOLCHAK
Get another rickshaw boy. I’m working.
VINCENZO
(nervously; looking around) Who? Miss Emily doesn’t drive. Updyke has accidents while he’s watching movies at the drive-in….
(Kolchak tries to ignore him, keeps pounding at the typewriter. Vincenzo eyes him anxiously, starts fussing, straightening papers.)
VINCENZO
Carl, there’ll be delays at the airport because of construction….
(More typing as Vincenzo fusses.)
VINCENZO
Rush hour traffic’ll start soon ---
KOLCHAK
(stands suddenly) Who can work in this squirrel cage anyway….
(Kolchak grabs his coat and hat, storms across the office. Vincenzo hastily clears the last crumbs, follows worriedly.)
VINCENZO
Take Mr. Sunderland to his hotel first….
(Under this, Updyke has re-entered and is gabbing with Emily Cowles.)
KOLCHAK
It’s Colonel Sunderland, not Mister….
VINCENZO
He’s not in the fried food business. He’s just retired Army….
(They move past Ron.)
UPDYKE
I’m hoping he can pull strings and get me transferred out of my reserve unit.
VINCENZO
(whirling) Don’t you dare ask him that!
EMILY
(dreamily) I was engaged to a West Point man…(puzzled) He disappeared right about the time my father lost the last Congressional election….
(Vincenzo waves this all away, chases after Kolchak.)
VINCENZO
Kolchak. Button your top button and straighten your tie….
(There’s no response from Kolchak who’s already bounding down the stairs. A worried Vincenzo moves back into the office.)
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